


Everything's Bigger in Texas

by bearscp



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Building Relationship, Collegestuck kinda, Fluff, M/M, coded pesterlogs, long fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-01
Updated: 2015-03-15
Packaged: 2018-03-15 22:03:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3463685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bearscp/pseuds/bearscp
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lots of things were big in Texas, except the portion of the population that were cowboys who owned apartment buildings and worked in a burlesque parlor downtown. That subgroup didn't match a whole lot of people. When you really stop and think about it, there's only one person in this whole state that fits that statistic. </p><p>And he just so happens to be the man you pay rent to every month on the 13th.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Moving Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TG: you know how bro owns this whole building  
> TG: and he has a tenant that moved out a few weeks ago  
> TG: their apartment was right across the hall from my birth place  
> TG: yes thats right bro had a home birth  
> TG: no spinal tap needed  
> TG: got me out in eight minutes flat  
> TG: the doctors were amazed like  
> TG: sir can you believe this  
> TG: a dick with a dick just gave birth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've had this idea bouncing around in my head, for like, months and months, and i'm FINALLY getting it out wow. 
> 
> i really want to give depth to this character of bro's, and the perspective might change between him and john as it goes bc i always tend to do that sort of thing and it'd help explain bro a little easier. that being said he might be somewhat out of character, though who knows maybe bro is a drag queen in homestuck no idea it hasn't been unconfirmed now has it. 
> 
> and this is going to be a looooong fic i'm hoping so buckle up this is will go from first real meeting to like every other single thing in these two's lives and hopefully showing such a buildup from the relationship they really fall in love and you see it happen. i don't expect the side life of bro's to come in for a while or at least until some romance happens but!! that could change not sure
> 
> yeah so that's all you need to know i think, everything else is p clear in this chapter. the rating will probably be explicit by the end of this. pls enjoy!!

This is stupid. This is dumb. This is sparta.

You wish Dave was here to haphazardly trip you backwards down the steps for even having that thought before breaking into a rant about the safety precautions you need to take when it comes to staircases, but you can't bring yourself to grin even a little bit thinking of the absolute bullshit he'd spew since, well, you were right about the first two phrases. This was definitely stupid and definitely dumb.

It's quiet except for the blood rushing in your ears and the deep breaths you're pulling in fast and releasing too slow. If you unfocused your eyes you'd see the dust motes in the air; if you leaned against the wall you'd be able to feel the ones that stuck too.

You cough and it echoes down behind you, briefly bouncing off the concrete of the elevator that travels up the center of the stairwell. Elevator was shitty, just like the stairs you currently occupied that didn't have a handrail. Dumb machine being out of order on the one day you come here and actually need it since lugging four suitcases up forty floors wasn't exactly what you planned to do today. Then you've got to bring up furniture after in the exact same way. You're glad you locked the van because right now laying down on the floor of your apartment sounds much better than climbing all the way back down, that is assuming you ever get up there.

You add it all to your mental list of things you'd like to think you'll bitch about to Dave later if it wouldn't totally ruin his "super sand-tastic vacation in the sweltering summer sun, that's alliteration Egbert, trust me, I'm a lawyer." Said vacation that included your two other best friends, Jade and Rose. Said vacation that should've included you.

You sigh to yourself, abandoning your hope of climbing  in search of the Grey Beards at this point. You drop your bags on the landing a few steps above you and snag a seat on a warm step too close to the too tall window.

Even with your vertigo and the light glaring off your glasses, you can't help but take a glance down, admiring the absolute magnitude of this place: the park a few streets away, the rest of the skyscrapers off to the right, and the suburbs out to the left. You know if you were on the opposite side of the building you'd be able to see the more unfortunate area of the city. The building itself was almost a cornerstone for the different sections you wouldn't normally notice divided if you were just walking through town. You wonder if the people living here are from all the different areas, or just one.

A rush of dizziness hits you and you turn your attention to your old blue nikes, ignoring the quiver in your legs and gripping the step. Studying the faded canvas of your sneakers, you remember that dad bought you these a while back as an apology for putting pink hair dye in your shampoo. That manages to make you smile. You miss him. Moving all the way from Washington to Texas just to go to the college here in Houston last fall meant you haven't seen him in person since.

Admittedly, you did choose to come here, after trying out at your dream college in New York and failing miserably. By that point Rose was already down at Princeton, so going to Julliard would've been a fresh start in a way you didn't want anyway. The college you're at now isn't the best, but at least you're with your best friend. And it's not that bad, really. You're just frustrated you guess, over everything that's happening.

It's not just that you don't get to prank thousands of unsuspecting people that you're a little blue. You haven't seen Rose since last summer and Jade since winter break the year before. Now you finally had a chance to go down to Mexico for four months with Rose and Dave to stay at a "hotel so swanky they have a replica ten chapels painted on the ceiling, dicks and everything, nobody's ever made a size joke it's that classy, I hope the concierge is ready for me and my devilish wit filled to the bursting with nothing but jokes of the shrivel variety" where Jade was just a short boat ride away at the Harley island since "oh my god John! They won't even let Bec in the lobby let alone the jacuzzi and practically called the cops when we, uh, kind of set some lobsters free.... But the point is what kind of a prison is this that my dog can't even relax at the sauna I will not support this kind of cruelty!!!" which you and Dave just tried not to laugh at during the call because yeah, that's definitely Jade you're going to visit.

Or were, for you anyway.

Dave was already on his flight, a cliche run and hug featuring the two of you before he raced to the terminal was the last time you saw him. You waved as he hollered that he'll always love you and dropped a pristine hankie with his initials embroidered on the side. Of course you picked it up, you're not going to break a young maiden's heart. That is unless it's because there's a war going on and she must get to safety but won't leave unless you tell her you don't love her anymore. Wow okay, classic movie marathoning with Dave while you both packed up your dorm room was such a good idea. 

He messaged you pretty soon after that, saying he'd skype as soon as he touched down and to not worry about Bro too bad. Even if his ironic bull was usually pretty sincere, this was just like, full on sincere. You must've looked pretty frazzled when he boarded for him to be acting like that. Not frazzled enough for him to stay obviously. 

In all fairness to Dave though, he did offer to not go, but as you thought earlier you're not heartless when it comes to maidens. Dave definitely deserved a vacation with the late nights he'd been pulling for finals hurrying to finish the last of his projects. So you told him no, go pick up some beach babes and live the life you'd always wanted to lead without you, while you faded away into the dust that was your social life. He replied that first of all they were beach ladies, second he was more into the beach lads if he had to choose, and third you'd faded away on orientation day when you showed up in your ghostbusters pajamas since you'd overslept.

"Objection! Might I remind you that you're the one that shut my alarm off?" You remember pointing Phoenix Wright style at him.

"Slander! It was retaliation, self defense if you will. You actually set up a smuppet trap in my one safe place, John. I was free of those in my own home and you just, destroyed my trust. How could you. How, dare, you," he'd feigned anger since yeah he totally got you back and then some he wasn't allowed to be pissed.

By the end of it the both of you had to call up Rose and ask her who was right, but she was busy with homework at the time and instead just asked the two of you when you'd "stop with all the theatrics. John, clearly covering Dave in plush phallics is something you've always harbored, and Dave, tricking John into going through a crowd of thousands of students in nothing but his utterly adorable pajamas? Seems to be some sort of exhibitionism, definitely links back to your own childhood fear of showing up to school in your underwear. Remember when we had that talk?" 

Dave hung up on her immediately after that. You're damn sure Rose knew one of you would so she could get back to her work too. No doubt another essay on the history of homoerotic subtext in documents from the mythic Middle Ages.

After that the two of you finished up your last movie in the marathon. All your bags and furniture were already loaded into the uHaul thank god, and Dave's bro had put Dave's stuff into storage for him already. Kicking Dave's ass at Smash was the last thing you needed to do that night.

Once you crushed him like the boss ass bitch you are, you skipped out to the local 24 hour coffeehouse on campus. Definitely way too awake with nerves to sleep. That left Dave to get some much needed shut eye at his brother's apartment just a few blocks away. He wouldn't of been able to sleep if you'd both stayed at the room on the floor anyway. Your snoring kept him up when you slept on your back, whereas his sobbing "unfairly overpowered what the fuck" Diddy Kong all night would've kept you up just as much.

You guess he couldn't sleep either though, because once you'd ordered and given a wink to the cashier who just replied with, "Aren't you that Ghostbusters kid?," your phone started vibrating with pesters from Dave.

TG: john

TG: holy shit i just realized

TG: this is the greatest idea ive ever had

TG: you know how bro owns this whole building

TG: and summer dorms are more expensive this year

TG: and he has a tenant that moved out a few weeks ago

TG: their apartment was right across the hall from my birth place

TG: yes thats right bro had a home birth

TG: no spinal tap needed

TG: got me out in eight minutes flat

TG: the doctors were amazed like

TG: sir can you believe this

TG: a dick with a dick just gave birth

EB: no. no bad. 

TG: you didnt even give me a chance to explain exactly how ill this idea is

TG: or finish my metaphor

TG: asshole

EB: yeah ill as in sick! i know exactly where you're going with this and. 

EB: just. 

EB: no. 

TG: find your chill john

TG: wheres it gone

TG: run off with its twenty six year old girlfriend to fiji thats where

TG: basking in the glory of ninety degree sun

TG: deep sea diving and riding dolphins and shit 

TG: you just know the hotel staff bumped them up to the deluxe package when they saw how fine its gf was

TG: ordering mojitos like its nobodys fuckin business

TG: using that "put it on my tab" voice the ostentatious have

TG: the voice ill have when i order mojitos like its nobodys fuckin business

TG: asshole probably leaves the glasses right on the beach

TG: that i wont do

TG: who does that

TG: ostentatious assholes are who

EB: dave. 

TG: what

EB: chill. 

EB: focus. 

EB: concentrate. 

TG: k

EB: okay. good. 

EB: back to the important stuff now jeez did you forget to take your ritalin today? 

TG: you cut me deep john

TG: but yeah

TG: i may or may not have let that particular detail slip my mind

TG: i blame all the packing we did

EB: i'm rolling my eyes at you right now. 

EB: and i just scoffed. i actually scoffed. it was so passive aggressive you should've heard it. 

TG: and im the one that needs to focus

EB: shut up you weaboo fuck. 

TG: gonna need ice for that burn

EB: okay, well, it's still a bad idea regardless of the third degree sizzle i just gave you. 

TG: that was so long ago ive practically forgotten

TG: not just talking about the idea but the word sizzle being in circulation

EB: second and third things today. 

TG: ily2

TG: why is renting an apartment from my bro such a bad plan again

TG: its not like youre sharing a room

TG: bonus points to me for remembering am i right

EB: you said the only open one was across the hall. 

TG: even better

TG: when i get back from my nauseatingly keen summer in mexico with the girls i can move with

EB: doesn't he like, record porn or some shit?? i don't want to hear that all the time. 

TG: so some of the time would be okay i take it

TG: sadly soundproofing does wonders you wouldn't believe

EB: this is dumb you're dumb. 

TG: hey not my fault you tanked home ec like a kamikaze pilot

EB: hey not my fault i flunked because YOU kept me up all night before the final playing WoW and debating night at the museum 3. 

TG: ben stiller is a gift to our generation and you know it

TG: and be real here egbert you were gonna fail anyway

EB: .... 

EB: they wanted me to taste the cake i made.... i... i couldn't do it dave. you know i couldn't. 

TG: there there my child

TG: descend upon my bosom

TG: you dont have to think of that delectable opportunity ever again

EB: are you talking about the cake or your motherly boobs. 

TG: both

EB: you know your boobs are the only ones i think about. 

EB: but i do have to think about the cake because i have to retake the class this summer to keep my GPA up!!! 

TG: plus you have to be out of the dorm and into the expensive one this week

EB: plus i have to be out of the dorm and into the expensive one this week!!! 

EB: oh. 

EB: yeah that. 

TG: this is why i said rent from bro instead

TG: its cheap as dirt nobody wants to live right across from him

EB: that isn't helping. and isn't it a little late for this?? 

TG: hes ethereal as hell and you know it

TG: it's not too late

TG: it's never too late

TG: middle school dave sobs loudly in the distance

EB: we've all been there man. it was a warzone. we did what we had to do. 

EB: if bro is anything like you then i disagree. 

TG: youre being such a baby rn

EB: i'll call you daddy (; 

TG: dude ew

TG: no

TG: john

TG: john why

EB: something is too far for a strider? 

TG: way too far

TG: you went so far past the line you circled back to it

TG: passed chill and gave a wink to its gf

TG: stopped for one of those mojitos

EB: if i roll my eyes one more time they'll fall out of my head. 

TG: cool

TG: put em in a jar

TG: it'll be my christmas present

EB: gross. anything for my daddy though (; 

TG: gag me

EB: that's your job (; 

TG: i'll spam you w memes if you keep this up

EB: which year? 

TG: 2006

EB: nooooo!!!!! they haven't matured long enough yet!!!!!!!!

TG: seriously john

TG: rent from bro

TG: you cant afford to stay on campus for the summer

EB: okay but the replica proton pack was worth the money and you know it. 

TG: got me there

TG: nerd

TG: snap

TG: really tho the only contact you need to have with him

TG: if you choose to accept your mission

TG: is handing your cash over once a month

TG: i can tell him hes got a new twink that wants to move in immediately

TG: ive never known him to turn one down

EB: why didn't you even bring the apartment up earlier?! 

EB: not that i'm considering it. 

TG: bro just mentioned the hot mom across the hall moved out when i got here

TG: why dont you just tell your dad you have to retake a whole semester

TG: while asking for more money to stay in a dorm all summer

TG: instead of going on a vacation he already helped you out with money for 

TG: you can use it to get this radical condo with a rooftop view

EB: you know i don't like heights, but........ 

TG: thats what i thought

TG: now tell me the words

TG: im all eyes

EB: creepy. 

TG: batting my lashes over here like a goddamn gratified lady in waiting

EB: *sigh* okay. fine. 

EB: dave can you ask your brother if i can rent from him on such short notice. 

TG: with all the emotional trauma youve put me through in the last twenty minutes

TG: gonna have to beg more than that egbert

EB: dave come on! 

TG: you made it clear when you first moved here you didn't want me to "come on" anywhere near or to you

EB: DAVE. 

TG: touchy jeez

TG: maybe you got a couple homoerotic feelings there

TG: lets ask rose

TG: baby (; 

EB: can you just shut up and ask him. 

EB: .............. 

EB: please. you can even ravish me if you do. 

TG: gasp so forward 

TG: since you put it so nicely 

TG: hes been reading over my shoulder for the past ten minutes

TG: you could move in tonight if you wanted

EB: i hate you so. 

EB: so. 

EB: so much. 

TG: <3 

TG: see you tomorrow

TG: bring a pen

EB: ugh. 

TG: wait does this mean i don't get to ravish you or

\- ectoBiologist [EB] has ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] - 

You did meander back to the room with your hot cocoa at some point, passed out on the floor with your puffy blanket and pillow, totally already forgetting how the cashier blew you off before you left. She had too much of a piratey look for you anyway.

The next morning Dave handed you a key and ruffled your hair. "Son this is a big day for you. I'm entrusting this to you in the hopes you can one day become a man."

Half awake as you were and having just dreamt about harry potter style chess with your dad you replied, "Thanks dad I'll make you proud." No matter how much you tried to deny it later, you were way too sincere for Dave to believe you were just kidding. He's definitely going to bring it up the next time you talk to him, which means you'll just have to remind him of the time he thought he stepped on Jasper's paw and started crying. That was a wild trip.

He tacked on that Bro was out running errands, so he just gave him the key to give to you to let yourself in and you could just sign the papers later. You shrugged, helped him gather up the last of his things, and drove him to the airport. They didn't much like the fact you were bringing a decrepit looking uHaul into the parking lot, but Dave used his southern charm to win security over. Meaning they almost kicked him out of the airport but you got through security without a ticket to see him off at the terminal, and again cue cliche airport scene. 

Now here you were. In the building, halfway to your destination, and wanting nothing more than to be hanging out with the three best friends you've ever had.

You pull Dave's hankie from your pocket, using it to wipe your glasses which had become a bit fogged while you were still catching your breath. You take a closer look at the embroidery. It was better than anything you'd seen your dad do. Dave really went all out for this. Must have had Bro sew it and everything. 

You wince a little, sliding your glasses back on and tucking the handkerchief away. 

That's right. Bro. Your new landlord for the summer.

"This is stupid," you grumble quietly to yourself. The noise bounces around regardless. "This is dumb."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pretty heavy, doc
> 
> from what i have so far it's gonna be bro's PoV next chapter, expect small hints at random characters and a cute lil old lady
> 
> feel free to leave feedback here or send me an ask on [my tumblr](http://hisoba.tumblr.com)!!


	2. Gimme Some Sugar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Right, yeah, just don't come callin on me when you need a cup of sugar just 'cause you did me this massive favor."
> 
> "What's the point in even helping you out if I don't get a damn cup of sugar when I need it?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some corrections were made to chapter 1 w some slightly different/added content in places, not super important but reread if u think u should B^y

Closing the door of your truck with a boot you wonder if the elevator is still out. Looking up to the roof forty tan stories above, you pull down your hat to knock the light of the sun creeping in behind your shades out of your eyes. Successfully causing you to smack your shoulder with the bag holding your bottles of orange soda.

You used to tell Dave you climbed the side of the building instead of taking the stairs, to which he'd tell you the stairs were dangerous anyway and then brag about it to his friends. Dumb kid. A smile creeps up on you and you don't suppress it, instead gripping your bags tighter and walk briskly to the sidewalk. You miss him already if you're honest, definitely gonna miss him dropping in at two in the morning after studying just to see if you've got apple juice and screaming when a cascade of smuppets reign down upon him from the fridge. He never knew how you set it up so fast and he still won't when he gets back.

With a quick slip into a straight face and a curt nod to one of the Felt (they're a sewing group you manage on the recreational floor of the building) who's leaving for the day, you make it to the front door and catch it just in time with your foot, metal banging uncomfortably against your calf. You swing it back open to see lil old Miss Paint and stand to the side to hold it ajar with for her. She must be hobbling out the door no doubt for her daily walk around the neighborhood, a little later than usual you think though. You immediately throw on your warmest smile for your favorite tenant.

"So nice of you dear!" She always says that in a voice that makes you feel like her grandson (who's a bit of a spitfuck if you're honest, not sure how that kid could've descended from such a lovely lady, just had to be adopted). You notice her reach for her purse and quickly butt in.

"No no I don't need anythin m'am, your smile makes it all worth it." This happens almost every time, but it doesn't make your statement any less true.

"M'am! I'm not my mother I'll have you know! Now how many times have I told you to call me Granny?" She squints at you with a side smile, still coy in her old age you'll give her that.

"One too many, m- Granny. Better get a move on we both know that no good husband of yours will be missin you."

"He will when he realizes I didn't make him any breakfast," Granny gives a puff of a laugh, you snicker back.

"So the usual then."

"He knew I wasn't the cooking type the day he married me."

"Must've been that english charm that won him over, huh?"

"Oh you know it," she winks. "How's that 'no good boyfriend of yours' doing?"

You shrug, glancing off to the side. "Pardon my French, Granny, but this one ended up a real asshole. Had to cut him loose."

"Ah that's too bad then." You can hear the warm understanding in her voice. She's more like a mom to you than a grandmother if you're honest. "Didn't much like him or his little purple greaser updo anyway!"

"Yeah yeah, you're just jealous someone's gonna steal my heart and I'll stop fixin your sink." You roll your eyes, you think she can tell by the way she chuckles.

"Speaking of the sink," she trails off.

"Get a move on before I evict you young lady," you groan out, unable to keep the smile from your voice.

"Alright alright. Do come over for tea time tomorrow though," Granny shuffles off past you.

"It's a date then."

With a gesture over her shoulder and no doubt another grin she heads off down the road. You know you'll have a fresh flower on your desk in the lobby when she comes back.

You walk inside and glance over to the elevators, still out, just like you thought. That repairman can never do anything unless you're there to order him around, and even then you have to keep telling him what to do. Time to begin the long trek up the staircase of death. How Miss Paint even makes it down these on her own you'll never know.

Taking the cement steps two at a time you reach the floor a couple down from Granny's and see, well, your brother's best friend if you're not mistaken. The kid that's supposed to move in today. You eye him over, he looks confused, kinda sad maybe, definitely sweaty. His hair's sticking up all over the place but then again you almost remember that being a constant anyway. He's stuffing his face with, what is that, a plate of cookies? Where the hell did he even- oh, so that's why Granny was late leaving for her morning walk.

The boy hasn't really seemed to notice you yet, kind of making you want to do some amazingly anime meet cute, or better yet scare the shit out of him. He might fall down the stairs if you did that though.

You sigh inwardly and tighten your grip on your plastic bags. Never get to have any fun.

You cross the landing and stand in front of him. He looks up with bleary eyes and lifts a hand to wipe them behind his glasses, effectively smearing cookie crumbs across his face. You'd laugh if it wasn't so damned depressing.

"You movin in today?"

He sputters and stands, sliding some of the cookies off the plate as he sets it on the steps and turns back to face you with a hand held out.

"Yes Mr. Strider that's me. Dave's friend. John. We've met quite a lot," he shrugs, almost looking annoyed if it weren't for his blotchy face.

You take his hand, crushing it just a little. You hold it for a second too long and quirk your lips just a bit when you let go and he wrings his hand out.

"Mr. Strider is the father I never had. Please, call me Super Saiyan Goku three. Make sure you always add the three on or else I won't know if you mean me or Super Saiyan Goku two on the twelfth floor.

He looks almost scared, god you want to laugh. "I-I, what?"

"And here Dave was going on and on about your sense of humor. Guess he was wrong, ain't the comedian he claimed you to be."

"Oh! You're not serious. Okay," he grins, showing off his rather small buckteeth.

"Jesus kid get your act together here," you look over his bags. "How about I trade ya? You take my groceries up and I'll take your bags."

"No thanks I got them." John makes a move to grab his luggage, giving a defeated sigh before even hefting one up all the way. "But you know if yours are too heavy, I'd be willing to help my landlord out. What're neighbors for right."

You roll your eyes behind your shades. "Right, yeah, just don't come callin on me when you need a cup of sugar just 'cause you did me this massive favor."

He shrugs, grinning. "What's the point in even helping you out if I don't get a damn cup of sugar when I need it?"

"Doesn't the princess usually give the knight a kiss on the cheek? I'm all for switching it up though if you'd rather have that."

The boy coughs and looks to the side. "I don't know what Dave said to you but I'll have you know I'm not a twink I swear!" You're pretty sure he's blushing, aw that's cute.

"Honey with those arms I don't think anyone could mistake you for that."

"I, uh, thank you?" He's real fidgety for a college kid.

"No problem, now let's get a move on before those cookies cool am I right," you nod towards the discarded plate on the steps.

John switches to look at the cookies and then back to you. "Oh, did you want one?" He sounds defensive over a plate of cookies oh my god. Although you can't say you wouldn't do the same yourself, it is Miss Paint's cooking after all.

"Nah I have my own stash anyway."

You set down your groceries on the landing a few steps above, grabbing John's suitcases with enough shown ease you hope it pisses him off a little. He in turn strings your bags along his arms and picks up his plate as you start making your way upstairs.

It's pretty quiet in the stairwell, more so than usual. Probably because most of the students that live here are already out at the beach. Now that you think of it, it must suck to move on the first day of summer when you're pretty sure with how much Dave gushed over the trip that it was going to be all hells of ill and with John included at that. You kind of mentally shrug to yourself, not your problem right?

He doesn't talk much on the ascent. It bothers you if only because you remember him not being able to shut up every time you've seen him.

"So you met one of our best tenants I take it? Miss Paint, there?" You give out after the sound of the two of you stepping starts getting to you and he starts looking puppy dog all over again.

He perks his ears up at that. You mean, perks up at that.

"Yeah she's real nice, reminds me of my grandmother. Same gift for baking too!" He laughs at that. He looks much better when he's smiling.

"Oh yeah?" You side-eye him. "I dunno if anyone can beat Granny's cookies."

"Well nobody can beat Nanna's cakes that's for sure!" John puffs. "I haven't had it in a while though, been burnout on those for a few years."

"Can people actually get burnout on cake? Like that's a thing? Being burnout on cake. Jeez kids these days and their 'cakes are lies' deal."

"That's from a video game."

"Seriously how old do you think I am. Is there anyone that was alive in 2009 that doesn't know that reference."

"Forties at least."

You stop walking and he passes you before turning around to see the hold up.

"Did you just say I look like I'm in my forties?"

He gives you the evilest grin you've ever seen. "Yeah. Is there something wrong with that?"

"I let you into my home and this is how you treat me, this the day of my daughter's wedding."

"Dave's already getting married? I knew he said something about picking up beach lads but I didn't think it'd be that quick."

You go up a few steps, stopping again on the one John's standing on. You smack him over the back of the head before carrying on your merry way.

"Ow! What was that for?" He grumbles, catching back up with you.

"I'm thirty-two."

"Wow you're so ol-," he stops himself when you give him a glare over your shades. "Young and healthy and wow you can't even tell you're starting to bald under that hat."

"Why did I offer to do this favor for Dave. Why do I put myself through these things."

"Hey if you can't remember things just know early onset dementia is no joke mister."

"Guess who's never gettin sugar from me? I hope you never have sugar again. I hope your children and their children never have sugar."

"Wow, harsh. That's a bit too far."

"You blatantly lied about the status of my luscious golden locks let's see what's too harsh for you."

"Let's definitely see sometime." You can hear the click with how hard he shuts his mouth. You peak over your shoulder a bit and he's totally blushing again. What a loser. "I, uh, that's how me and Dave usually joke sorry."

"No problem squirt, I'll take you up on that offer," you blow him a kiss, almost dropping a suitcase in the process.

John's pretty silent after that, but it didn't make much difference since you were already on your floor.

"That was faster than expected," he says dropping your bags in the hall and nearly losing his plate. You set his down in front of his door.

"I bet you say that a lot."

"Hey!"

You actually laugh out loud while heading to your door and he looks terrified.

"You can... You can laugh? Holy shit."

You shrug, pulling your keys out of your back pocket. "Took a while, vocal coach almost gave up on me, but we finally had a breakthrough last week. Really changed my perspective on the world."

He rolls his eyes, setting his the cookies on top of one of his suitcases. "You and Dave are way too alike."

"Ouch, mean," you grasp your chest indignantly.

John laughs a little at that, rubs the back of his neck.

"Yeah, well, thanks for helping me out and everything. Not just the bags but, you know, the apartment too," he says sheepishly.

"No biggie," you turn and fit your key into the lock. Your door is halfway open when he starts to speak again.

"Actually do you think you could, maybe, help me a tiny bit more?"

You glance behind you and he's got his hand doing the teeny symbol and he's wincing. Oh boy.

"What else do you need?"

Four hours later you're finally in your apartment, groceries set on the coffee table and you exhaustedly set on the futon.

A tiny bit more your ass. Moving furniture up forty flights of stairs was not your plan for the morning. Or ever.

At least you got to see that kid in action, man can he lift some serious shit. You would've been impressed if it wasn't for the fact he practically giggled how cool he was every time he picked something up. He's definitely a bigger nerd than Dave that's for sure.

You toss your hat across the room and your shades to the table, shrugging off your boots in the process. Time to get some much needed shut eye on your much needed day off, you can shower again after you wake up.

There's a few timid knocks on the door. You fumble to pull out your phone seeing you've slept for way longer than you meant to when you unlock it. The sun is already setting outside the window on the far wall and if you're honest you want nothing more than to go back to sleep.

Groggily you stand up, lightly stumbling over to the door. There's another knock.

"Just a sec," you call down the entryway, tripping over a sword just as you're about to grab the handle. "Jesus christ," you breathe out.

You pull open the door to see John. Who else would it be. He looks startled, and you suddenly remember you didn't throw on your shades before getting the door. Well shit.

"What do ya need?" You grumble, rubbing your eyes.

"Well, see, funny thing is, I have this class tomorrow, and I have to make something for it, and see I thought I bought everything I'd need before coming over this morning but I uh forgot a thing." You can tell he wants to look at the ground but he just keeps gawking at your features.

"Still, what do ya need?"

"Man Dave does the same thing when he's tired, the whole accidental full on southern bell thing."

"I was asleep, ya know."

"Right yeah. I was wondering if I could borrow, uh, some sugar?"

"Are ya bein serious right now. You really need to borrow a cup a sugar."

"Two actually."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if there's any errors, pls point them out!! i write on my phone usually so i don't tend to see them


	3. Friends With Baking Benefits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Are these fuckin Ghostbusters boxers? Holy shit."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HahahAhA...... this is short/unedited bear w me
> 
> disclaimer: battle of the gods is Not on netflix as much as i have prayed for it

So maybe this wasn't exactly what you had planned, but you're not gonna complain. He'd already done you like three favors just today and you'd moved in, again, just today. That's gotta be a record for something. 'The amount of help Bro Strider has willingly given out within twenty-four hours' and you'll get a little plaque from the city for accomplishing so much. Really a true hero to the city. Making the Bro Strider help you, not once, not twice, but thrice! Incredible. Astounding.

You smile to yourself while whisking lightly into the blue bowl in front of you.

He's kind of like, Dave in a way? Like a huge dork that thinks he's cool. Maybe all Striders are just really lame, even those distant however many times removed ones over in California. At least Bro's not as scary as you remember him being when you were younger. He's still tall and buff and whatever the hell else you'd envied him for back then but honestly, how can anyone be scary with flour all over their face?

"Did you seriously just throw flour all over my face?" Bro glares at you. "Holy shit. After everythin I've done for you. I can't believe this." He rubs his face down, pretty much just making it way worse. You hold your breath, using every ounce of your willpower to not laugh.

You'd expected him to slam the door in your face when you'd asked him for that last favor an hour-ish ago. Instead Bro just grumbled, told you to wait a sec, came back with a bag of sugar in one hand, wearing a snuggy, and looking marginally more awake still sans his shades. He'd pushed you forward out of the way so he could get into the hall and closed the door behind himself. You were confused to say the least.

"Uh, are you going to let me borrow it or not?" You felt your eyebrows wrinkle.

"Yeah yeah, but only on the condition I get to have part of whatever the hell it is you're makin. You made me sleep through dinner, asshole."

"It's only like, six."

"I really don't need your sass. What I do need is food. Hurry up butter cup."

You'd fidgeted back and forth on your feet, unsure if you really wanted him coming in. You're sure he's been in there and every other apartment a million times, but the thought had made you feel a little off. After all you barely knew this guy. But there was no way to get away with complaining or refusing him; he'd keep his sugar and you'd rather stay on the good side of your landlord anyway.

You gave him a shrug and went back into your apartment, hearing him click the door while you went to the kitchen. Bro dropped the bag on the counter and took a seat at one of your barstools.

Somehow between that moment and now, he'd already managed to: insult your movie collection, discard his snuggy on the couch so he was only in a black tanktop and Dragon Ball Z sweatpants plastered with Vegeta's face, drink half your jug of orange juice, and skyped Dave on his phone with Rose and Jade in the background. Dave asked if Bro had tapped your ass yet. Bro gave a thumbs up back. You dropped and broke a bowl.

And now, small but sweet revenge. Flour in the face. A classic if you or your dad had anything to say about it. A real pain in the neck regardless.

"You can't prove I did it," you point a spoon with cake batter on the end towards him. "But you deserved it anyway for trying to lick my spoon."

"I'll lick more than that," Bro winks and you fluster, dropping the spoon in question. He grabs it before it hits the ground and then suddenly he's sulking on the couch with it in his mouth.

"Messed up my hair," he mumbles around the plastic, picking up the Wiimote to flip through Netflix. "You don't mess with a man's hair."

You sigh, reaching for a new stirrer out of the utensil holder on the counter. You weren't totally unpacked yet but you got the basics out and what you'd need for the night and class tomorrow. You're really glad Bro doesn't keep his WiFi locked or else you'd be completely bored out of your mind until you could figure out getting it set up. Maybe not telling him you're leeching his internet would be a good idea.

"How is Netflix even workin right now, you stealin my shit, kid?"

You wince, picking up your bowl of blueberry cake mix and scraping most of it into a pan. "Just until Monday."

"Your taste in anime sucks by the way," he calls over.

You flip him off over your shoulder. If his bark of a laugh is anything to go by he caught it.

"At least I'm not the one wearing a meme on my pants."

"Excuse you, DragonBall Z paved the way for westernized anime."

You push the three now filled cake pans into the oven, spinning the timer to fourty-two minutes with a click. You turn around and lean on the counter to face him with your eyebrows raised.

"Yeah because twenty episodes for one fight was so revolutionary," you pause. "And pretty sure Sailor Moon did that."

"What the fuck," he looks sideways and furrows at you. "You seriously don't like DBZ?"

"Are you kidding? It's awesome, I never said the long fights were a bad thing," you grin at him.

Bro squints at you. "You might be redeemable just yet," he pats the spot next to him on the couch. "Seen Battle of the Gods?"

You glance to the timer near the oven. Yeah, you don't have an excuse to not go over there.

"Nope, what's it about?" You question while awkwardly making your way to the couch only a few feet away.

"Just wait and see," he grind wickedly at you.

"Oh boy." You plop down next to him with a sigh as he finds the movie and presses play.

* * *

"Holy shit did Goku just become a GOD?" You look at Bro incredulously, gripping your knees and sitting on the edge of your seat.

"Just watch you're gonna miss the best part," he whispers at you.

You turn your head back to the TV and focus intently on the red saiyan darting around the screen.

"Wait, hey kid, do you hear that?" Bro pushes himself up off the couch and walks over to the kitchen, bending over to take a look inside the oven after flicking the little light on. "Where's your oven mitts?"

You stand and look around, throwing a hand through your hair. "Uh, you know I didn't think to get those out. Just turn the oven off and open the door, I'll try to find something in these boxes."

He shrugs at you before doing what you told him. A cloud of heat seeps out as soon as he gets it open. You can feel it from where you're standing and run over to the window and fling it open as quickly as possible. Breathe in, breathe out. The fresh air hits your lungs and quickly reminds you how fucking hot Texas is.

"Want me to help look for the mitts?"

You kind of pause for a second and realize how weird this whole situation is. You were with Dave's brother, watching Dragon Ball Z, he was in his pajamas, and you'd just made a cake. This was a whole new level of weird. If only little thirteen year-old John could see you now.

"Um, yeah," you clear your throat. "Thanks."

You really should've listened to your dad when he said to always organize your boxes and label them when you move. You didn't listen to him when you moved from Washington to Texas, and didn't listen to him this time either. Finding these was gonna be a bigger pain than you realized. Maybe you could just wait for the pan to cool off instead.

"Are these fuckin Ghostbusters boxers? Holy shit."

You whip your head over to where Bro's standing, holding a pair of your underwear out in front of himself with a smile, an open box near his leg.

"If you saw it was clothes why did you rummage through it?!" You stomp over to him with a red face and snatch them from him; you don't think you've ever seen anyone look more amused. Dave messed with you enough about these even if there's no way he could really mean it since there's definitely no way anyone can think Ghostbusters isn't the coolest.

He puts his hands up in defense. "I'm not judgin, just look at what I'm wearing for christ's sake."

Okay, he had you there. You stuff the garment back in the box, heading back to the kitchen. You say over your shoulder, "The pan is probably fine to pick up by now anyway." Hesitantly you tap it a couple times. "Okay nope I was wrong."

"I have an idea." Bro appears next you and you jump. "Scoot."

You sidle off to the side, watching him reach into the oven with, wait, no!

"Wait, no! Don't ruin them!" You're pretty sure your voice hasn't gone that high since before you hit puberty.

"They're fine," he snorts, pulling out the cakes one by one and setting them on top of the stove. He tosses the boxers onto your head.

"Not cool," you say, yanking them off and throwing them in the general direction of their box. When you look, Bro's already on the couch with his phone out.

"You wanna order takeout before dessert?"

No, fuck you. "What kind?"

"Dunno, kinda feel like Chinese," he shrugs.

You meander back over, taking a seat beside him once again, and shrug back. You could totally go for that even if you kind of just want him to leave now. At the same time, it'd be pretty dang lonely hanging out by yourself without Dave around. "Yeah, same. Get me like, chow mein or something."

"Alrighty roo, raggy." Bro dials a number, from memory you might add, and orders enough food to feed a small country. Before he hangs up he adds, "Can you pack some extra of those fake ass fortune cookies? My pal here needs some luck." A pause. "Awesome, thanks Mara." He taps off his phone and catches your eye. "Gonna be like thirty minutes with traffic." You settle back into the cushions with a nod, feeling so exhausted you want to see if you can skip class tomorrow. Knowing what Bro just ordered he'd probably eat the whole three tiers and you'd have to make another one in the morning. Yeah okay, you're ditching. You'll email your professor.

Bro starts to speak and snaps you out of your thoughts. "How 'bout we finish this movie then?"

You nod and turn your attention back to the TV. It's almost awkwardly quiet while you stare at Goku and wait for a buzz from downstairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so sorry this took so long!! i moved cross country from maine to florida via car w my sister and her family and a cat. it was wild :'^) but im all settled now and im hoping to have more time to write!! 
> 
> this chap was shorter than i wanted and i might?? add a few things before the next update but ill throw it in the beginning notes of the next chapter if i do
> 
> pls point out any errors btw and thank u for reading!!!! :^>
> 
> oh and....,.. i rly love dbz i feel like bro would too bc u know.. the Hair


End file.
